Be Dazzled by Ryan La Sala

Author:Ryan La Sala
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Published: 2020-09-10T00:00:00+00:00

Sixteen

Then

Ten months ago

The holidays! A time of light, love, and for most families, hosting. We’re no different when it comes to the hosting part, except it’s never family. Instead, our guests are artists. People from my mother’s world, curious people who seem to have dropped out of the sky with no way to climb back up into their clouds. They just show up, and they stay forever, and no matter how many signs I put on my bedroom door, they never ever knock before barging in.

It makes it hard to hide and to get work done, not that I have a ton of work to do. With Controverse behind me, I’m in my slow season, the season I usually spend working on my builds for spring and summer. So I should be designing, researching, and gathering materials, but picking a path just feels impossible this time. With Luca in the picture, things are both exciting and terrifying, too fast and utterly slow.

Almost always, I work alone. I work for myself. I work for my vision. The sudden accommodation of two visions freezes me and quiets my hands and wipes my mind clean all at once. It’s almost like I dread getting started now that I know the work won’t be completely mine. And that doesn’t quite make sense either, because at the same time, I’m completely ecstatic that Luca is going to cosplay with me.

Luca wants to cosplay! I can imagine how amazing it’ll be when it’s all done, but I can’t bring myself to start.

My phone lights up with a few more texts from Luca. Whereas I have spent the past month since Controverse in some sort of craftless daze, Luca is fully spiraling into the world of DIY videos on Ion. Since I brought him to Controverse, he’s changed in a wonderful way. He has turned his skepticism toward cosplay inside out to reveal the gleaming enthusiasm of the truly obsessed. Combined with his usual energy, it’s hard to keep up with all his questions and ideas.

Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to pick a project? You’d have trouble too if your maybe-boyfriend sent you no fewer than six half-baked ideas a day, for weeks. And maybe that sounds annoying, but it’s not. It’s an opportunity.

Luca and I are built from very different materials. If Luca is lined with enthusiasm, I am insulated with ambition. If we were even a little more alike, the difference would hurt us, but our contrast is beautifully stark. Our clash is one of power. One I’m learning to not just trust, but believe in.

I can’t stop thinking about how popular two young queer boys would be in the cosplay scene. I’m dreaming of the end. I’m fixated on it, and I can’t help it. Luca is undeniably hot, and I’m undeniably talented. Together, we’re going to be iconic.

Going to be.

That is, if I ever figure out how to start. Mostly I’ve just been playing video games, like I am right now, and telling myself it’s “research.

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